Tuesday, February 10, 2004

Life is very interesting.

I think that every year after your high school years - you truly feel as if you have a strong grip on life and what it has in store for you. Once you are in college, I felt like I was so much MORE mature than I was back in those hazy days of high school. Then you start growing in college thanx to classes, exams, quizzes, parties, relationships, various clubs and organizations - they all take the word STRESS to a whole new level.

You grow.

You learn.

Better yet, you learn from your mistakes.

Soon relationships take the front seat in your life. You balance everything you have and get to know the true meaning of time-management. Some friends change while others grow closer to you. Sometimes, even relationships change. You learn heartbreak - you thought you knew the meaning of love. Thanks to the supporting cast of friends and family you dust yourself off and maintain all that you have going on.

You learn.

You grow.

You learn from your mistakes.

You begin to learn from other people's mistakes as well.

You feel stronger having been through all that you've been through. And here you are years into college - SOOOOO much more mature than those pesky little time period when you were a "freshman." Soon you find yourself to a senior. Head of the class with all eyes on you. You are a MASTER at balancing more than you ever imagined. Stretching yourself so thin it ACTUALLY feels good to sit down. You value those 4-5 hours you get sleep at night. (Hey, at least you aren't studying or reading something.) Perhaps relationships become intertwined in your life again but at this point you just aren't sure what to do. You panic putting work and structure before all else in your life. Focused solely on balancing your life. Then you graduate. Friends move away and some stay behind to finish school. You have seen it all. What else is there to learn in life? I have been through hills and valleys... the good the bad and the ugly and here I am a college graduate. Look out world. You learned... You have grown...You have learned from your mistakes and have created a system in your mind that is the best way to live. How to deal with this and that and the other thing...When all of a sudden. BAM! You find yourself re-thinking situations. What if? What if I did those things different in college - would I be where I am today?

I honestly have no idea WHERE I'm headed with this... and I apologize for my rambling/stream-of-conciousness. Here's the point, I think. Learn from things you do... Mistakes are there to teach you... Just because you have been through several grueling years of classes, love, relationships, friendships, truimpts and defeats, there is ALWAYS more to be learned. I have been through some wild times in the past four years - some I'm proud of, some I'm not, some I get misty-eyed thinking about, others get me fired up, but this is true: Everything Happens for a Reason. (You think I named this page that by accident?) Although I been through all that I've been through, the thought still gives me the chills:

I'm going on 23, and it feels as if I'm starting over.

It's scary, sad, and exciting all at the same time. Remember how smart you thought you were when you were a Senior in High School? Imagine how you'll feel when you look back at where you are today, years from now...

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there, with open arms and open eyes.

And you think you know...

Sunday, February 08, 2004

Cutest kid this side of the Mississippi...

Enough said... Thanx for a great weekend Care & Jack.
See you in two weeks...

Just wait 'til he starts talking...

Do you find the song...or does the song find you?

I'm not a perfect person
there's many things I wish I didn't do
but I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
and so I have to say before I go
that I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
to change who I used to be
a reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
it's something I must live with everyday
and all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
and be the one who catches all your tears
that's why I need you to hear

I've found a resaon for me
to change who I used to be
a reason to start over new
and the reason is you
and the reason is you
and the reason is you
and the reason is you

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
and so I have to say before I go
that I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
to change who I used to be
a reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
a side of me you didn't know
a reason for all that I do
and the reason is you.

I'm not a perfect person...