Friday, July 04, 2003

Where do we go from here?

So last night was the worst.

This blog entry isn't going to be that long believe me. I didn't get to writing in this last night because I was on the phone until about 3 in the morning. But knowing that I'm going to be gone for the entire weekend, I couldn't just let it sit...

So I don't know what life is going to throw at me next, but right now it's definitely "one of those times." Either way I go, it's going to be a rough road. I pray that a solution will come soon, I pray for strength. I have some of the best friends in the world. You know who you are.

Things to look forward to:
-Derrick & Carrie's Wedding
-Me, Lindsey Farrell and the 4th of July
-Day trip to the Cape for Danny Mac's grad party (can I get a whoa traffic)

So now I'm second guessing almost every move I make. Was I making the right decisions before? Am I making the right decision now? And the thing is: this is all my doing. No one else is at fault but me. And now only time will tell...but the bottomline is:

Everything Happens for a Reason...

Man, that's hard to believe right now...Happy 4th Everyone...

Wednesday, July 02, 2003

Lovin' the weather...hating this feeling...

So I had a great time the past few days... The weather has been PERFECT. I've been eating like a king. My workouts are going more or less as planned. The pool is almost swimable. But...

I still have this lingering feeling...WTF.

And I'll tell ya, I'm very reluctant to write about any of this that has been on my mind. I'm afraid of what might come of it, if anything. And I'm also not one to write about my feelings. Like I'm wearing a big sign that says, "Hey Everyone, I like to tell my problems to the world." But there's some good in it all. I mean, these feelings are going to come out, one way or another. So Blogging is just my therapy for getting them out.

The sooner the better, I say.

And after some thinking by myself, I think I pinpointed what's going on in that brain of mine...and why I feel the way I do:

I'm afraid of what I don't know.

It sounds simple...but it rings true in so many ways. There's one in particular that I'm dealing with right now. It's hard. One of the harder things that I had to deal with in a long time. Not really sure what direction I need to travel in. (I sound like a freakin' fortune cookie.) I don't know...I hear advice from both sides. But in the end, it's only my decision. Another hurdle life just LOVES to throw at you...

Guess I'll quit the rambling and start being productive with my time. Like reading...and most importantly sleep. I'll leave you all with this...not sure if it'll make sense on the computer... but it's in my head:
Have you ever felt like you were doing the right thing...
...but felt like you were losing at the same time?

...Welcome to my world...

Anyway... I AM looking forward to spending the 4th of July with Lindsey. Rich, Joe, Heather, Lauren...you don't know what you are missing...Party Central. I'd also like to say that I'm excited for Derrick and Carrie... not to mention Earl and Jana... the BIG DAY is almost here...hard to believe it...Happy to see that I'm ending on a good note...

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there...

Sunday, June 29, 2003

Great Times...Thoughts that linger...

It was the best of times...it was the worst of times. Seeing the familar faces at Steak and Graham's was definitely nice. Overhearing people talk about "going to UConn..." What a trip...And I was serious about Buckley guys... it was a good time no doubt. It's all what you make of it. Except for Sarah...I don't think they look kindly on parties on the Honors floor. Sorry... :)

Then it was off to Timmer's. Great times. More volleyball than I can handle. Enough food that you would normally eat in a week (we managed to eat a week's worth in about 5 hours...), laughs, praise, bon fire, and smores...if you ask me, it was the DEFINITION of what summer is all about. If you remember back, I talked about how college wasn't necessarily the BEST years of your life... because the friends that you want to stay in touch with you will...and the ones that you don't stay in touch with... aren't really worth staying in touch, hence you probably won't miss them. But the people at Timmer's Grad. Party... THOSE are people that will NO DOUBT stay in touch with. You guys are my rock...

I won't lie to you though... there are the quiet moments lately when I get my mind wondering. I have some weird thoughts stirring around upstairs...Gotta keep on going though. Don't know what will become of them, or if should even be thinking of them in the first place...but they are there...

Two week from today...NUTMEG JUDO GAMES. Time to kick it up a notch in the workout routine. I hope I can just hold my own...a win or two would be appreciated as well. We'll see...

Early entry on the page tonight... no more late nights for this cat.

At least not for the next two weeks...